Kiana, Anyone can see your blog, so be careful with your spelling (descriptive, view).
I think you’ve created an outstanding piece of writing.
There are a few minor errors I can point out: “mt” should be “my”, you typed “that” twice in a row, “just of” should be “just have”, and “new” should be “knew”.
A couple suggestions include: Because you’ve climbed up a tree, perhaps you would be hidden above “the think canopy of lush green leaves” instead of under the canopy. Also, you could (should) have separated your writing into more than one paragraph. Each new direction in your writing should be a separate paragraph. For example, you could start a new paragraph at, “I started to scale the tree”, and “I sat in shock for a few minutes” and “I wouldn’t be able to crawl home…”
I love the title. From the beginning I was wondering what it meant. It foreshadows what occurs later. I still wonder if you were saved or not. (but I assume not).
Your writing also makes me wonder why you were running into the forest. Do you simply enjoy the peacefulness of the forest, or were you running to escape from a troubled home (being abused, etc). I also wonder why the person was running towards you in the forest. Were they trying to help you because they heard you were in trouble, or were they trying to find you for the reason that you were hiding to begin with? I’m not asking for answers. These questions make your writing interesting to read.
i like how you put the end
ReplyDeleteKiana,
ReplyDeleteAnyone can see your blog, so be careful with your spelling (descriptive, view).
I think you’ve created an outstanding piece of writing.
There are a few minor errors I can point out: “mt” should be “my”, you typed “that” twice in a row, “just of” should be “just have”, and “new” should be “knew”.
A couple suggestions include: Because you’ve climbed up a tree, perhaps you would be hidden above “the think canopy of lush green leaves” instead of under the canopy. Also, you could (should) have separated your writing into more than one paragraph. Each new direction in your writing should be a separate paragraph. For example, you could start a new paragraph at, “I started to scale the tree”, and “I sat in shock for a few minutes” and “I wouldn’t be able to crawl home…”
I love the title. From the beginning I was wondering what it meant. It foreshadows what occurs later. I still wonder if you were saved or not. (but I assume not).
Your writing also makes me wonder why you were running into the forest. Do you simply enjoy the peacefulness of the forest, or were you running to escape from a troubled home (being abused, etc). I also wonder why the person was running towards you in the forest. Were they trying to help you because they heard you were in trouble, or were they trying to find you for the reason that you were hiding to begin with? I’m not asking for answers. These questions make your writing interesting to read.
Very impressed.
24.5/25